No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
