ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
