you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
