okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
