Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
