Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
