It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
