Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
