btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize