I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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