we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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