the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
