My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
