Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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