i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize