My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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