Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
