My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
