Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
