road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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