There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
