Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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