Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize