K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
