So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
