Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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