no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
