im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
