I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
