oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
this will be a night to untag.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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