Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
