Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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