my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
