she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
