I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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