shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
