I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
