After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
