eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
