Screwed.edu
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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