I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
