i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's like heaven, but drunker
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
