ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
