I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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