you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
