Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
