Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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