The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
