I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
