i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
