so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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