the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
