btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
