The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
