you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think people are normalizing furries
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
