Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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