and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
