I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
