I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
