He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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