so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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