Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
