I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
